Monday, 2 September 2013

Crayons + Columbians = Chaos

I know what you're thinking dear reader; He's finally lost it; but no.. the following tale actually happened at a previous place of work, which shall remain nameless - to protect the gullible as well as the guilty :)

Picture the scene: The admin office of a supplies organisation. Yours truly is entering purchase orders freshly received from our clients.  I notice that Crayola crayons - a staple of our service - were going on back order, and would be for some time.  I draw the attention of the Stores and Admin Officer (SAO) to this and he charges off in the direction of the Purchasing Department to have words with the relevant purchasing officer.  I think nothing more of it and return to entering more orders.

He then returns and life takes a.. well frankly bizarre turn. Readers in the UK will probably be familiar with the Leicestershire accent (I know one of you definitely is.. Kathryn :) ), but for those who are not I will attempt to approximate it in the following:

Door opens and I hear across the office:

(LM = my Line Manager):

SAO: Mari-joo-arna Julian!
Me: Eh?
SAO: *slowly as if speaking to an imbecile* Mari--joo--arna..
Me: *thinks: Yes I understood the word just not what the... you're on about!*
LM: What the hell are you on about?
SAO: I've joost be oop to Purchasing to ask about the crayons [which we already knew].  Apparently we get them from South America [true I believe], and Coloombiun droog barons have been packing our crayons with marijooarna [possibly not as true as the last bit]. Coostoms have seized the shipment and it's waiting for them to clear it [fairly sure that bit was a fib too].

Slightly - alright very - bemused we went back to work, and after a few minutes I went to Purchasing myself to find out what was actually going on.  Turns out the PO concerned had neglected to place any order at all, and when accosted by another member of staff who had an irate client on the phone, he concocted this story on the spot.  When the SAO asked him about the same thing in earshot of the other staff member he just trotted out the same story.

Mind you, it did give rise to the comment from me; Well we'll know which schools have had deliveries from us.. the kids will be smoking the crayons!

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